I have been staying in a house with a 25 foot ceiling, 2 fire places, a big screen, a hot tub, and the most comfortable bed I have ever slept on. I drive 2 cars that i do not own. I have powerful experiences in the spiritual realm. Ministry has never been more fruitful. Women tell me I am "what every woman desires... a man who seeks genuinely seeks God, a gentle man, a powerful man.." I am surrounded by people. My family loves me. God loves me. I never lack finances. People write me checks for all my needs or there is always work to provide for me. I am invited places by important people. God promises and then fulfills.
Why do I still cry? Why is this not enough? Before I thought this would satisfy me... now it just saddens me. I question all I hear from God... is it really You?!? Is there a woman who I love? Will You continue to provide? Will You come through? When will it all happen? What is going on?
I do not want to continue to live like this... like the walking dead....
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